Removing “Shame”– The Biggest Killer of Your Destiny……..
Friends, “shame” is a soul eating emotion and for many people, this one emotion can KILL your destiny. Why? Because it causes you to become stuck. What is shame? I’m so glad you asked! Let’s understand what shame is before we get into the meat and potatoes on how to remove shame from ourselves. Shame is a negative feeling….it’s a feeling of guilt, regret, or sadness that you have because you “feel” that you have done something wrong. Shame can also be a result of embarrassment for something that you have done that you feel is not right.
So how do we remove “shame” once we find our-self covered in it? First, we must take ownership for the “action” that we took that caused the shame in the first place. If you are not willing to take ownership for that which YOU did then be prepared to live with your shame for the rest of your life. As a matter of fact, you should probably go ahead and exit this discussion because the rest of this blog is not going to help you at all if you are not prepared to take the first step by taking responsibility for YOUR actions.
For the rest of us, let’s continue. So you take ownership for your actions and you admit that it was your decision to commit the action that resulted in the emotion of “shame”, now what? Forgiveness is next and then healing can begin.
May I share a personal experience with you? Four years ago, I decided to seek divorce from my husband of 7 years. I was relieved to get the divorce but I became emotionally stuck afterwards. I was literally beating myself up everyday. Not able to move forward, not able to pursue dreams, goals and ambitions…my destiny was moving further and further away, simply because I was stuck behind my shame.
What shame? Why was I beating myself up? I was ashamed that I had selected the person that I selected for a mate. I felt in my heart I knew better but I had made a bad decision, I was so ashamed of my decision. Now, I do not share my story to throw my ex-husband under the bus….instead I share my story to help someone that may be in the same place I use to be in.
So how did I move beyond my “shame” to get unstuck? One day while talking to my mother, I was reliving my decision and I asked my mother, “why, why, why on earth would I marry him?” My mother’s response to me. “Sharon, how many times are you going to beat yourself over the head for your decision to marry him? Take ownership of your decision and then forgive yourself.”
Now friends, this may sound simple to you but it was a profound revelation for me. My mother was correct, I couldn’t travel back in time, nor could I undo the choices I had made. The only thing that was left was for me to step up and own my action and then forgive myself and so I did.
Once I decided to take ownership and responsibility for my action and the choice that I had made the healing process began. Through the healing process, I began to change my mindset so that I was no longer beating myself up for my decision but I was more kind and loving to myself and accepting of my choice. I began to speak positive thoughts into my mind and remove the negative ones.
Instead of saying to myself, “why did you do that, it was so unwise!”, I began to say things like, “you made this decision, it was not wise, and it’s Ok, because you will not repeat this behavior in the future. You learned through your pain and you are a wiser person because of it. You will make wiser decisions going forward.”
Friends, not a single person walking this earth is perfect, we are all going to make mistakes and decisions that will make us feel “ashamed” but we don’t have to allow the feeling of shame to consume us. Accept your responsibility in your actions, and then forgive yourself and then release any shame that you feel knowing that you are a wiser person and you will not repeat the same mistakes going forward.
Ask yourself are you ready to remove your “shame” by taking ownership for your actions? #RemovingShame
Sharon D. Meadows is a Certified Professional Transformation Coach and the Author of the Amazon Best – Seller, Journey to A New You—A Transformational Guide to Discovering Your Inner Strengths!
Please connect with Sharon, to ask her what’s the next step to get you on the Journey to a New You, Contact Me! #LetsTalk
Do you like this post? Why not share it with a friend?