People-Pleaser? It’s Time To Start Putting Yourself First!
Friends, a few years ago, I came into self-awareness that I was a “people – pleaser”. What does that mean? Let me explain. Many times I based my actions on pleasing others to make them happy. Now that sounds like a nice and kind act, but most times, this kindness came at the expense of my own happiness.
I would find myself putting the needs of others before my needs. Now as I were doing these nice and kind acts, don’t get me wrong, I was getting some benefit out of it. I was benefiting by feeding some need that I had to feel wanted and needed by others.
I could write you a long laundry list of the times that I have sacrificed myself to bring happiness into the life of someone else. Only feeling empty in the end because I had given all of my energy away to make someone else happy, while I was left frowning and confused because the energy was not reciprocated.
One day, while talking to a close friend, I realized that I had been people pleasing for so long that I had been ignoring myself and what pleased me. My friend and I were discussing a situation that I was in. I had met a young man that had custody of his children, they were very young children, and they each suffered from much emotional trauma. I quickly stepped in and began playing the role of “mommy” to the children. Cooking healthy meals to feed them, taking and picking them up from school and day care, caring for them, doing activities with them and making sure homework was completed, by the way, there were more than 2 of them, so my hands were full!
When I met the young man, he initially, confessed he felt as though he was running on “Empty”. He said he felt like a train that had 5 engines but only 2 were running, and he was on slow speed. He told me he was tired and worn out trying to manage and juggle all of his responsibilities. Friends, I immediately, stepped in to help him to ease the strain he was feeling. And before long, I gradually saw the young man change. He went from being agitated to being relaxed. His schedule began to free up and he began doing things to enjoy himself as I took on some of his parenting responsibilities to make them my responsibilities.
During the conversation with my close friend, as we were discussing my situation, my friend asked me one question that made me rethink my desire to people please. She asked me, “Sharon D. Meadows, when is it going to be your turn to be happy?”
I told my friend that I was happy or at-least I thought making someone else happy made me happy. She suggested that I evaluate the situation with the young man and she asked me to be honest with myself. She asked me if helping to take on a portion of someone else’s parenting responsibilities really made me happy. When I was honest with myself, the answer was no. As a matter when I thought through it all, I was actually much happier before I inserted myself into the “mommy” equation.
After spending some time in my new mommy role, I found myself very worn and tired from the children’s disruptive behavior and all the emotional trauma. I felt as though I was running on “Empty”. I felt like a train with 5 engines but only 2 were running and I was on slow speed. And although I wanted to help the young man lessen his strain so that he could be happy, I too wanted to be happy. And the current situation was not making me happy, so I gracefully removed myself from the “mommy” equation.
Often times we may find ourselves doing things to please others but if we are honest with ourselves we must ask this one question. If you find yourself in a situation just to please someone else, ask yourself does this situation please me too?
Sharon D. Meadows is a Certified Professional Transformation Coach and the Author of the Amazon Best – Seller, Journey to A New You—A Transformational Guide to Discovering Your Inner Strengths!
Please connect with Sharon, to ask her what’s the next step to get you on the Journey to a New You, Contact Me! #LetsTalk
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