Having Your Cake While Eating It Too– The Value System of A “Cheater”


Friends, recently, I was talking to some friends and during the conversation, one of my friends mentioned that several of her close friends were cheating on their spouses. I asked her if she knew why, you see I was curious why someone would cheat on their spouse. My friend indicated she had no clue what the cause of their actions were.

I spent some time afterwards processing the conversation and I came up with a theory as to what makes up the difference between a cheater vs a non-cheater. What did I come up with? We as individual people make choices and decisions based on our value system.

Some folks would never rob a bank, but some folks are sitting in the county jail right now waiting to submit their plea on why they were allegedly robbing the bank on the corner.

Our value system is tied to what we believe. If you believe that cheating is not wrong, then you just might be a person that engages in this type of deceptive behavior.

Friends, I have been living for 40 years and I can honestly say that during my lifetime, I have never cheated on anyone. I don’t share that to boast and brag…well,  wait a minute, yes I do want to boast and brag about that track record. Why? I’m so glad you asked! My track record shows that I am a woman of character and integrity. Could I have cheated in my past. Of course, but I have never done so because I respect myself. I also like the feeling that I get when I look in the mirror, knowing that I am trustworthy and loyal.

So if you are a person of character and integrity how can you ensure that you don’t end up with a cheater? To lessen the possibility of connecting with a cheater, my suggestion is to connect with someone that shares the same values that you have. How do you do this? Listen, observe and discern! If I am riding in the car with a person and they suggest we rob a bank, friends, I am going to ask the person to pull over and allow me to get out of the car. I would rather walk to my destination than be an accomplice to a thief! As we clearly don’t have the same values.

May I share a personal experience with you? 11 years ago, I got married. Shortly after I married, I had an “issue” with my husband receiving email messages from an ex-girlfriend. When I questioned the nature of the relationship, he said she was married too and they were only emailing to vent and blow off steam. So I asked him to give me access to ALL of their communications. I was appalled when I read all of the emails my husband was “secretly” communicating with an ex-girlfriend. Long story short, when I gained access to all of the communications, there was clearly more to it.

We had been married 8 months, and he was engaging in inappropriate dialogue with someone from his past. From reading the emails, they were planning and orchestrating a sexual encounter with one another. Friends, she was married too, yet, they were planning to get together for a roll in the sack!

I was devastated! I was newly married, only 8 months into it and we were “happy” as far as I could tell. In addition to that, I was one month pregnant. The devastation was so great, from the “drama” of the discovery of my husband’s deceptive behavior that it sent me into early labor and I delivered my first born baby early. Our baby was pre-term and suffered from many health “issues” due to the early delivery.

Hindsight is insight and looking back on the situation, I realize that my ex-husband and I didn’t share the same values, as I eventually divorced him after 7 years of marriage for “excessive” infidelity issues. He didn’t receive the divorce well as he felt “cheating” should always be forgiven. My values were different, cheating is a “NO-NO” and you don’t do it! My value system is not about having your cake and eating it too! I am a woman of character and integrity, and I understand that each person is responsible for the consequences that result from their choices.  At the end of the day, I receive peace knowing that I am doing the right thing. #ValueSystem

Ask yourself do you share the same value system with your partner or are you unequally yoked? #CharacterNIntegrityMatter

Sharon D. Meadows is a Certified Professional Transformation Coach and the Author of the Amazon Best – Seller, Journey to A New You—A Transformational Guide to Discovering Your Inner Strengths!

Please connect with Sharon, to ask her what’s the next step to get you on the Journey to a New You, Contact Me! #LetsTalk

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Posted on August 10th, by sdmeadows in Coaching.

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